I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
