If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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