Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
