Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
