found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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