I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
