I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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