what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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