R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
