god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
