i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
