My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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