If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
