This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
