I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
