He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
