It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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