As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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