If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize