what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
