If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize