I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
