I murdered the dance floor call the cops
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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