having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
