On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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