I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
