Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
