Sry I called you an 8
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
