Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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