i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
