there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
