I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
