omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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