Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
