90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
