I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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