Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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