At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
