5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
