i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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