2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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