i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
