I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
