Christians are straight up FREAKS
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
