Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
