if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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