Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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