Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
