Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
