You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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