Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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