What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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