Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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