Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
