We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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