i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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