she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
