he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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