So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
