she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
