Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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