If i come over, it means nothing
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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