Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
