thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
