A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
