bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
