So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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