My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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