thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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