Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
